Rick Gauger

A PLACE FOR ALL THE STUFF CRAMMED IN ONE MAN'S MIND TO BE OFF-LOADED…

Ancient Egyptian Beer Brewer

Posted on | January 8, 2014 | No Comments

Mogo tells me that he’s overjoyed to hear that a few scraps of his old buddy Khonso-Im-Heb were found when archeologists discovered his tomb in Egypt. Khonso was the biggest beer brewer of his time when Mogo was the biggest beer drinker of HIS time. And great times they were! Mogo knew Khonso when his brewery was a one-jar operation in an alley behind the mummy works in Luxor. They knew Moses. One time Mogo and Khonso had to carry Moses back to the palace. All three were drunk as dung beetles, and Moses had to come back for his chariot and horses the next day. Moses told the two friends that he was planning to grow a beard and become Hebrewish, and was going to go on an exodus, and did they want to come. Mogo and Khonso laughed about that for years but Mogo later regretted it. He said he could’ve had a speaking part in the Old Testiment if he’d said yes. Mogo tells me that he felt guilty when he read that Khonso’s tomb was “discovered.” last year. He admitted he went to Khonso’s funeral beer bust but Mogo got so drunk he forgot where it was located which is why it had to be “discovered.” Here’s the article:

discovered-the-tomb-of-an-ancient-egyptian-beer-brewer

Charon’s Ark Trilogy Goes Digital

Posted on | April 2, 2013 | No Comments

Balzac said that there’s no friend like a reader, and he was right. Thanks to everyone for favorable comments about Charon’s Ark. Volumes 2 and 3 of the Charon’s Ark tale are called Charon’s Children and Charon Is Coming. I hate multi-volume sci-fi novels, but my publisher bribed me into wrapping up the story. All three volumes of the Charon’s Ark “epic” contain all of my favorite things: Spaceships, aliens, robots, dinosaurs, brash adolescents, and sexy nice girls in their summer underthings. Read ‘em and meet the Bigbirds, land a UFO in Seattle, shoot it out with the Proctor, watch Chela rob a bank and steal a truck, and see Eva not get what she deserves!

All three volumes of the Trilogy are now online as kindle downloads:
Charon’s Ark
Charon’s Children
Charon Is Coming

A planeload of high-school students, their teacher, and the airliner’s crew are hijacked in midair by an alien spacecraft. The aliens take them to their crazily-malfunctioning starship Ark, which we know as the planet Pluto and its moon Charon.

You can read the first chapter online at Amazon (just click on the cover image). Hope you like it enough to download it!

I Spit On Your Galaxy

Posted on | August 29, 2011 | No Comments

R: I looked up the newly reported supernova; it’s in the Pinwheel Galaxy, right above the outermost two stars in the handle of the Big Dipper, something even I can find. We’re having marvelous clear weather here so I went out last night with a small scope to try to see it. I saw a couple of teeny stars embedded in fuzziness, so maybe I did. It’s supposed to increase its magnitude from its present 17 to about 10, so we might get to see it. A first and only for people of our generation.

While I was outside my Android rang and it was D’protz, Dread Emperor of the Pinwheel Galaxy via FTL spacephone. He said that our name for his galaxy sucks. Its real name, he said, is Galaxy of Doom Death Horror Galaxy, and he swore vengence upon us for giving his home Messier object such a paltry name. As soon as his vast armada of giant stompy robots can figure out which one is us. I told him at least we didn’t have a supernova going on in OUR galaxy and that he should spend more on maintenance instead of interstellar warfare. There was silence for a moment, then he wanted to know how I knew he had a supernova, since his galaxy is 200 million light years away from ours. I told him I had a friend at Goddard and gave him your name and phone number.

B: I am thinking D’protz is putting you on a bit, as the Supernova is old news to him by 200 million years… In fact the radiation of that supernova lead to the genetic mutations that gave rise to the race from which D’protz is descended (according to my Stargate sources). This appears to be just D’protz’s lame attempt to expand his mind games to a new realm, thus furthering his “Dreadedness” to new corners of the universe, don’t fall for it.

R: Actually I believe that D’protz doesn’t know about the supernova of 200 million years ago. I was trying to make him think that I could see the supernova they’re having now (they call it Irene). I was messing with HIS heads.

B: My mistake…

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